It’s been a rough day. Lots of errands to run, a pair of cantankerous 2yos and a slightly under the weather baby. It should be worse. There should be 2 babies.

We sail along smoothly, soaking in the joy that is watching these 5 little people blossom but every now and then it hits. George’s gorgeous sunny smile (what would Tillie’s smile look like), a baby asleep in my arms (there should be 2), watching the ever shifting dynamics between Ollie and Bas (what would George and Tillie’s dynamics be?).

Enjoying the ease of 1 baby after 2, being able to cherish every moment. Longing for that chaos that twin babies bring. Joy and grief forever entwined. An empty space carved out that will never be filled.

Tears of joy mingled with tears of sorrow and my heart aches. Wish you were here.


One Response to Conflicted

  1. Shona says:

    I wish that there was something I could do or say. But please know that I am thinking of you. Love to you and your beautiful family.

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