How do you let go?

It’s less than 2 weeks now until the twinlets’ birthday and as it edges closer emotions are off the charts. There’s the excitement, the melancholy, the joy at making it through the year!

But along with the good it also dredges up the memories of the bad. Within hours of the birth we were in the middle of family drama. Really not fun. Apologies have been given and accepted but the emotions and hurt are still there.

It’s particularly hard for Thommo, he dealt with most of it and shielded me from as much as possible. I am so very grateful for that but it means that his memories of the 1st day/weeks of the twinlets’ lives are clouded. In protecting me, his experience/joy were tarnished. I really hate that the dominant memories for him are the negative. I hate that rather than enjoying our sons’ first day he was dealing with crap.

I’ve done my best to move on, but it’s still there, and it’s looming larger and larger as their birthday gets closer. We’re in the midst of planning what we will do to celebrate their day of birth (we’re having a party several days later). I’m hoping creating a set of super special memories of their 1st birthday will help to dull those sharp, painful memories of their birthday. Hoping.

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