The gift that keeps on kicking…you in the guts

It’s official, infertility is a bitch. I know, brainwave right? You know what sucks worse than infertility? Surviving it, holding your children and having to watch a friend struggle through it.

Seeing their hurt, knowing their pain, wanting to protect them, shield them. Wanting to come up with the magic words that make them feel better, desperately searching for that magic combination of letters. Always falling short.

What can you say to help someone grieving anew each month? Because that’s what it is. Every cycle you start with hopes and dreams that ends in bleeding and heartbreak you grieve again. It’s a cruel cycle.

Why must it be so hard?? Why them?? I see their hearts bursting with love to shower upon a baby. Their kindness, tenderness, generosity. They are going to be the best kind of parents, the ones that find everything their child does a joy, the ones whose children grow secure in their patents love always. Any child would be blessed to have them as parents. Why must they struggle?

My heart hurts for them, yearns for their dream to come true. My words don’t have the magic I want them too. All they can do is convey how much I love them. How closely I am holding them as they walk this cruel road. How much I wish I could DO something to help. All I can do is love them.

Infertility is a cruel bitch.

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2 Responses to The gift that keeps on kicking…you in the guts

  1. Liz W-B says:

    This made me tear up because I wish everyone understood like you do.

  2. John says:

    Found your blog by accident…

    Infertility is indeed horrific, but for us, what’s been even worse than the previous 5 years of unexplained infertility and then going through the public IVF system and the stresses involved in that, has been having success and seeing those two lines…and then losing the baby in the second trimester. No-one has words for that, other than “maybe next time”.

    After losing another unborn child in the first trimester, we’re bereft inside, but haven’t had the blessing of taking some time out (can’t afford it).

    Now, if we could afford another IVF cycle, I’d be almost hoping for the single line, but can’t help wanting the two. Even though I know the likelihood of not losing another child before meeting them is high.

    I don’t know what’s worse, burying the child you never know or burying a child you know, but I wouldn’t wish the pain on my worst enemy. IVF is cruel. Each cycle you raise your hopes only to have them dashed against the rocks, while people who don’t know ask when you’re going to get started and people who do know ask, mostly just intrude.

    But after all this, at any point, it’s nice to look around and see other people enjoying the blessings of a successful pregnancy and to be able to think “that could be us, one day”, and enjoy that the blessing is given to others, knowing what a massive blessing that screaming, nappy-filling bundle of tears really is to a family.

    Thanks for blogging,

    John

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