After my brief flirt with happy, I’m back to struggling. My belly is getting HUGE, I struggle to get comfortable, waking in the middle of the night to vomit, exhaustion etc etc etc etc etc. It’s been fun. I can honestly say I was over it, very much ready to call done at a way way way too early point.
Yesterday we had to make a visit to the midwives at the hospital, we were in a room in the birthing suite. From our little cubicle I could hear women vocalising in the final stages of birthing their babe, could hear the newborn babes first cries. It was magic. It reminded me of why the next 10 weeks are so important. I want these babies to be birthed into my arms, to immediately have skin to skin time, to hear those healthy cries. I don’t want medical staff on stand by ready to resuscitate, I don’t want them whisked away before I’ve seen them let alone touched them. And most of all, I don’t want to be seperated from them, i don’t want them to need to be taken to NICU or SCN, I want them in my arms and at my breast where they belong.
Now it’s time to keep my eyes on the prize. Yes, I’m uncomfortable, yes I’m exhausted and sometimes in pain. But that golden prize is shimmering away at the end of the tunnel, it’s only just out of reach but it’s getting closer every day. I can do this, we can do this. Eyes on the prize.